Querying 101: DON'T

Please do not praise an internet picture of the agent. Please do not praise said picture for four paragraphs. Not only does it not tell me what your book is about, but it sounds creepy and stalkerish, which are probably not characteristics of an "ideal client."

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Rissa Watkins said...

Wow, just wow. Why would anyone think putting that information in their query is acceptable?

Yes, I plan on including a pic of my shrine to you as an attachment, but my query letter will be about the book. ;)


Ash. Elizabeth said...

ahhh, the queries people send out amaze me. I read somewhere that one query quoted an agent's blog post as an opener. haha. When I eventually query you, I don't think I'll include pictures or blog references because, well, that's just not normal. : )

Kristin Halbrook said...

Oh my stars. I'm trying to not laugh. Sorry. You are lovely, you know (*sounds stalkerish*), but yeah, I can see how that would be creepy coming from a complete stranger. :/

lisa and laura said...

Um, wow. Hopefully these same queries aren't coming from inmates.

Melissa said...

"Not only does it not tell me what your book is about, but it sounds creepy and stalkerish..."

Hold on, let me fix that for you:

"Not only does it not tell me what your book is about, but it's creepy and stalkerish and completely unprofessional. When reading a query, my first thought should not be, "Hrm, I'm going to need a restraining order."

Nikki said...

So, getting a tattoo of your "dream agent" on your, um, shoulder, and sending a picture of the finished artwork along with the query letter would definitely be out? Durn.

But it's still okay to change the name of the MC in your steamy paranormal romance to the agent's name, right? I mean, what agent could resist that? (Example: Janet Reid gazed longingly at the finely chiseled torso of Blake, the space pirate captain who had just boarded her vessel. "What should I do with you, Janet?" Blake growled.)

I mean, that's gotta work.

Thanks for the laugh, Suzie.

Mechelle Fogelsong said...

Okay, Nikki, you jest about the MC's name, but often read the credits at the ends of movies to come up with characters' names for my books. It's going to be truly bizarre someday, when one of my novels gets made into a movie, and the film crew suddenly realizes that all the story's fictional characters match the gaff dudes' names!

Maybe I'm weird, but under the heading of my blog, I very clearly state, "I am NOT a creepy stalker!"

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it! ;)

Lisa Desrochers said...

I'm sorry. ;)

Unknown said...

So telling Nathan Bransford he looks like a sexy cross between Zac Efron and George Clooney wasn't a smart thing to do. Darn it! :D