Example Query: Lori M Lee

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It's been a while since I shared a client query, but if you're looking for a good example, I have one for you. This one was written by my fabulous client, Lori M Lee.

A few weeks ago, Lisa Desrochers sent you some pages from my YA cyberpunk fantasy HARBINGER, and I was thrilled to hear you were interested in taking a look. I'm honored to have Lisa's referral, and I hope you'll enjoy the story. I wasn't sure how many of my pages Lisa sent you or what I should send now, so I figured I would just submit what's listed in your submission guidelines. 
People are disappearing in the city of Ninurta. Like the rest of the citizens, seventeen-year-old Kai pretends not to notice. With her own survival to worry about, she doesn't have much concern to spare. But when her brother vanishes, Kai will do whatever it takes to find him, including using the ability she promised her brother to keep secret—Kai can see and manipulate the threads of time. 
With the help of an annoying and distracting friend—distracting because he's beautiful, and annoying because he knows it—Kai discovers a secret war between Ninurta's governor and a rebel named the Black Rider. The Rider has been kidnapping Ninurtans and transforming them into cybernetically enhanced soldiers called Golems. 
Kai sets out to find the Rider and discovers a shocking secret: the Rider is actually the Harbinger of Famine. And Kai? Not as human as she thought. Now, Kai will have to face down the Harbinger and uncover the link between herself and the secret war before her brother gets sent for dehumanization. 
Equal parts sci fi and fantasy, HARBINGER is complete at 75,000 words. An excerpt from HARBINGER also won first place in the San Francisco RWA Heart-to-Heart contest in the YA category, and Adam Wilson at Harlequin Teen expressed interest in seeing the full manuscript. He informed me that while he recently moved to Simon&Schuster, he would still like to see the manuscript and wants to forward it to Harlequin Teen. 
I included the first chapter below. Thank you so much for your interest, and I'm very much looking forward to hearing from you.
This is interesting because there's a referral in the first line. It's important that if you use a referral that it's a real referral though. Every once in a while I get a query with a referral from one of my clients--and the client has no idea who the author is. So don't lie--you might get caught.

Lori's referral was in fact true and I was very happy to receive her query.

What I love about this query is that it's a really great example for a fantasy novel--or any novel with a lot of worldbuilding. Rather than start with her main character, Lori starts with a problem in a way that grounds me in the world: People are disappearing in the city of Ninurta.

This query is predominantly about Kai. I get a strong sense of her personality and who she is in this world (and what she can do!) in a very quick span. Obviously this is a fantasy world, but it's Kai and her missing brother that I'm most interested in.

Now the title of this novel changed and in revisions it became much more of a straight fantasy, but it's now called Gates of Thread and Stone and will be released in August!




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3 comments:

Angelica R. Jackson said...

Love that cover! Just added it to my Goodreads Want to Read. :)

Brandon Alston said...

Preordered! You rep some pretty awesome sounding books, Suzie. Can't wait til Feb for Red Queen too!

Leila Rheaume said...

Can hardly wait for this one. Lori is an amazing writer and person!