The Perils of Social Networking

My friend B recently called me to lament the experiences of his dating life.  He had been dating a girl for a few months and things had been going well.  But on their fifth date, he had her over to his place for dinner and she made the fatal mistake of mentioning where all of her stuff would go if she moved into his place.  Then she went a step further and mentioned that her apartment lease would be up at the end of October so she could move in with him in November.

This is of course an example of COMING ON TOO STRONG.

And it's one of the most common examples.  Girls committing too quickly and guys turning into scared woodland creatures who run for the hills.  (And of course, guys do it too.  Break-Up Bag, anyone?)

But one thing that we don't usually mention is that in the newfound age of social networking and all things twitter, it's also possible to COME ON TOO STRONG. Somehow it's like the safety of having a computer screen in front of people sometimes makes it easier to open up - and the social cues we pick up through observation when physically talking to someone aren't there. And come on, let's face it, no one wants to be that guy - or more aptly, that twitter handle no one responds to.


The Dos and Don'ts - How to Avoid Coming On Too Strong in the Twitterverse


DO start conversations by responding to comments. Since most of us are rabid book readers, they're always a safe way make a connection.
@sztownsed81: Reading *and loving* FAITHFUL PLACE.
@jimnduncan: @sztownsend81 been meaning to get that. Love Tana French.


DON'T respond by saying something too personal.  DON'T compliment people's pictures when you don't know them.  It ends up sounding either condescending ("I'm usually fun and you look chipper") or creepy...or both.
@shallremainnameless: I saw your beautiful agent photo.  I hope i get to meet that smile in person one day. 


DO keep in mind Twitter is about making connections, not necessarily about promoting yourself or your blog (do this, but don't just do this), or asking for query advice all the time.

DON'T try to insert yourself into an A and B conversation - just like In Real Life, it's awkward if two people are talking and a third person neither party knows just jumps in and inserts themselves into the conversation.  Use In Real Life standards.  If you wouldn't jump into the conversation if you were physically standing there, don't do it on twitter either.


Which leads me too...DO think about whether your humor will be lost in translation.  Some times without "tone of voice" comments that might be funny in person can fall flat - or worse sound borderline psychotic - on twitter.  (This does happen to the best of us...)

In the same vein, DON'T say things that make you sound like a stalker.  Things like "I'll show up at your hotel room and make you read my manuscript!" will probably get you blocked.

DON'T spam people with tweets.  Just like you wouldn't spam someone with calls or texts after a first date, you don't want to do the same with tweets.  Wait for a response or wait for a few days and the next time they say something interesting.

DON'T be overfamiliar with someone you don't know.  While the online community is amazing, it does sometimes create a false sense of intimacy.  Exchanging a few tweets and reading blog posts doesn't make people best friends.  Reading someone's blog, doesn't mean you should email them and ask personal questions.  Facebook friending another writer doesn't mean you should call them to ask about their agent.

And...

In the same vein, DO be careful who you trust.  Secrets and personal details that could be potential Gossip (*gasp*) is probably better told to someone you actually know.  Like family or real best friends.